Post 9. The impact of words

In the course of our lives we will have said countless words. As being the only species that uses language to communicate, humans have an extensive vocabulary. We say so many things and even as you are reading this you are saying words in your head that I have written to communicate with you. Words have an impact. Words have the power to build and to break. I am currently taking a class called Human Growth and Development. I am learning how people are changed and affected through out their life span. I'm learning how we develop from infancy to your elder years. I find it all interesting and its all important. Yet, one thing resonates over and over again....words do impact. 

In class we watched the move Precious and had to analyze the behaviours. For those who haven't seen the movie it is definitely about adversity and over coming traumas in your life. Precious was always told that she was dumb, ugly, fat, stupid. That no one wanted her. She was sexually abused by her father of whom she had two children with. Her mother constantly abused her physically, emotionally and mentally. The abuse of her mothers words led Precious to believe all the things her mother said about her were true. Precious didn't believe she smart, beautiful or even capable of elevating herself. In the end she overcomes it all with true resilience. And this got me thinking...how many of us who have kids have said something along the lines of "are you stupid? How many times do I have to tell you this? Or made comments about their weight, height, things they like, their friends. When most of us are just trying to be "there" for our children not realizing we're breaking them. This doesn't just apply to children; this is for adults too. Your partners, spouses, parents, siblings, etc. I use children because they are the most impressionable and vulnerable. I come from a home where words were used that shouldn't have been. I started to believe these words and associated myself as not amounting to anything as I was told. You hear it enough times and you will start to believe it.  

Later on in life did I realize that I was so much more than what I thought I was. Still because of schematic imprinting in my brain, I married someone who also abused me emotionally and verbally. I would justify his words or tried to ignore them and would disassociate myself with the situation to cope. Pushing all the pain back and locking it away until I imploded and all the resentment settled in. Needless to say I woke up one day and left. I never looked back. From that moment on I realized the power of words. They can be uplifting, sweet caring and kind, encouraging even. I look at my daughter and know that I want to be uplifting with my words. I want to heal her with my words not break her so that she doesn't make the mistake of accepting hurt for love. We need to think before we speak but only for the things we know might hurt. Tell your wife or husband how much you love them, your kids, family, friends. Ask how someone is doing genuinely and listen. Words can be healing we all just need to know how to use them. You can build or break the choice is all yours.